The participation in the Picture Kentucky Workshop over the last two years gave me a passion for video and storytelling through it. I had the opportunity to go out into the Frankfort community and tell the story of Happy Jack’s Farm and the Jones Family in 2021. And Moe Shands and his relationship with his son and their barber shop this past October.

I really enjoyed telling these stories and getting a chance to meet these wonderful people. I also enjoyed the editing process during both years of this workshop.

Isabel Ruiz has been an artist for practically all of her life. Art has been there for her since the very beginning. Growing up her father was interested in art as well and she took after him. In elementary school art was just a fun activity for her but as she began to grow older she took it more seriously. It became a safe place for her and an outlet for her during trying times. 

A lot of Ruiz’s art is reflective of her life. It is deeply personal but at the same time deeply politically and socially thought provoking. A lot of her pieces deal with the body and the mind. The inner struggle people face during their day to day life. Whether it be depression, body dysmorphia, or mental turmoil her pieces capture each perfectly. 

Ruiz draws her inspiration for her pieces from her personal life and the things she has gone through as well as from artists such as Banksy and Cristina Troufa. Her favorite mediums of art also stem from these two artists as well. With oil panting, acrylics, chalk, and even clay being implemented in all her artwork. 

Ruiz has also gotten more into 3D art as she continues her college art classes, “In 2D art you are trying to create the illusion- being 3D art.” In her newest pieces of art she has delved into the 3D world, with sculptures of the body in its purest most vulnerable form, charcoal drawings that showcase vulnerability and strength and reflection on the inner self in comparison to the outer self and how society controls notions of how we should be perceived. 

In her upcoming artworks she plans to showcase five depictions of the female body. In realistic form of how the body actually looks, idealistic form of how you would want your body to look, in a form that shows confidence of how your body looks, criticism and mocking of the body in relation to public and societal scrutiny, and then the internal struggle of the body with the pressure society puts on it. Each will be shown as full length mirrors with all of the artworks being around five feet tall. 

When asked about art Ruiz says, “ I don’t even know where I would be without it.” It has been a constant in her life for years and years. She is so passionate about it. “I could talk about it for hours,” Ruiz says, “Just because of how much of an impact it has on me.” When Ruiz does her art she listens to music. But not the kind you would think. She doesn’t listen to soppy love songs or catchy indie tunes, no, she listens to upbeat heavy metal music. Artists such as Avenged Sevenfold, Five Finger Death Punch, and Shinedown help her get into the artistic mood to do her artwork. 

In the future, Ruiz hopes to spread her love of art to others. She hopes to do this by helping them come to terms with their mental troubles through means of art. This art therapy approach has helped loads of people, and she wants to join in on this trend to benefit others as well as herself. Ruiz’s art is amazing and she shares it on her instagram Cloud9ofart. Give her a follow and enjoy !!

Socials for Isabel Ruiz:

• artist account: Cloud9ofart.
• personal account: _isabel.renee

After watching the film Malcom & Marie twice, two specific quotes stood out to me. The first and second time I watched the movie they stuck with me once the credits began to role. These specific quotes laid down the ground work for me to question everything. To question my own existence, my view of the world, and the idea of being a main character. That trendy surreal concept that someone, anyone can be the main character in whatever reality they find themselves in. That everything revolves around them and their actions. They are a catalyst for everything imploding around them and their existence alone is everything. 

The first quote that made me ponder all of this and have a melodramatic ‘awakening’ about my own existence, is when Malcom is telling Marie about her own fucked up view of the world in relation to her role from his movie: “You’re so fucking solipsistic that you see yourself in everything. Even things you had nothing to do with” ([6.17.20] MALCOLM & MARIE – Final Draft page 44). It made me wonder. No, I do not think I force myself into conversations or drama or even the lives of the people around me, but I do imagine that at moments, they do revolve around me. 

Now, it was brought to my attention (from an outside source) that when Malcom was in fact saying this quote to Marie he could have been talking about himself. He in fact is the one who is solipsistic. He believes everything revolves around him and if you watch the movie multiple times, like I have found myself doing. Pay attention to Malcolm. We, as viewers automatically hate him. He’s narcissistic and mean and goes way to far in his arguments with Marie but hes set up this way to act as a mirror for us. He is the lens we must look through. Not Marie even though the movie is in fact very much about her. If you watch the movie more than once this idea becomes more apparent but it didn’t change my point of view or realization of my own existence. It is just something interesting to note. 

Solipsism is the theory that the self is all the can be known to exist. Meaning outside of our own existences the reality and perspectives of others are seen as untrue. That your own mind is the only one that can exist. The outside world and the minds of others cannot be known and might not even exist. Knowledge outside of your own mind is untrue its unsure, its false and fake and scary.  

Although I love to learn new things and discover the secrets of the world, I am a deeply internal thinker and more often than not I cannot express how I truly view the world or feel about the world without seeing it fall apart. My view of the world is concrete. The world is a bad place with a few good things here and there and all we need to do is survive it right. So where is my place in it? I’ve always viewed myself as a side character. I’m in multiple friend groups and drama seems to circulate every single one more than it should. 

And my place in each of these different groups is to listen, to hear the rants and gossip about all the drama my friends find themselves in. I give advice, I react and awe and gasp and respond appropriately to whatever shocking things I am told and then I go back to my dorm, get into my bed and repeat. A perfect side character. 

When I’m by myself however, my whole existence shifts. I’m the main character. Alone, I’m so sure and confident of my purpose, my ideals, my morals. I sing in front of the mirror, I imagine wild scenarios in my head of taking over the world, or falling in love, or dying. But I’m so sure of my own existence, of the way my mind thinks and spirals and spits constant thoughts and ideas about how I can change everyone around me for the better. 

When I’m alone, I’m a narcissistic, egotistical girl who thinks she knows everything. I get so into my own mind and my own actions that I don’t think about my friends in the same perspective as if I was with them. No, I think they are sad without me or lost without me or so dependent on me. That my own existence keeps them alive, keeps them conscious, keeps them breathing. And without my existence, they would cease to exist, because I wouldn’t be here. When I cease to exist, logically, in my mind, they will too. 

But when I’m with them (my friends), and I’m immersed in their drama and bullshit and love and happiness and joy, my existence shifts. I’m there to aid them. To listen and help. It’s like my view of the world is solely dependent on if they are okay. I no longer focus on how my own existence and conscious helps keeps them going in some way. Instead they keep me going. My own existence is dependent on being a side character.  If cease exist they will live on. I’m collateral damage. A good but unnecessary thing and this movie made me realize that I have been like this for so long.

It makes me wonder what my actual purpose is. Surely my existence isn’t godlike. I don’t control my friends or their morals and ideas of the world but I think I have so much influence so much power over them when I’m alone. But when I’m with them its so opposite, so unsure.  This is what brings me into the second quote. The quote that shook my existence entirely. Sure the first quote made me ponder my own reality and the possibility of solipsism and its existence in my own life with my respective view of the world. This quote however shattered me. It made me think about how my existence affects others.

Not just that my conscious was keeping them going and without me they ceased to exist or vice versa.  No it made me wonder how I made them feel when I’m with them or when I’m not. What emotions does my name provoke in them. Is it happiness? Annoyance? Indifference? What does my presence do to them mentally? This was the quote that shattered my reality and made me think about these things:

“Because we are both seeking refuge from your assaultive, battering ram of a personality. Because of your limitations as a partner and a filmmaker, we are ducking for cover. And we may not agree on a lot of things, but sis and I, we’re in a fucking foxhole” ([6.17.20] MALCOLM & MARIE – Final Draft page 85).

Marie is essentially trapped with Malcom. She loves him and feel suffocated by him and his megalomania but she’ll never leave. Ever. I suppose I can be intense at moments. I’ve been told so numerous times and sometimes I drain people. I act as a natural stressor and turn up the angst. But do I trap people? With my love or my joy? Probably not. But the movie made me question this. How do I make others feel? I’ll probably never know, truly or in depth on what emotions my presence of existence sparks in others. 

This movie will forever make me question it. Question everything about my mind and view of myself and practically everything I come across. It’s why I’m so obsessed with this movie and the dialogue and Marie and her mind and Malcom and his. It’s honest to god an 1h and 46min thought provoking, existence questioning fever dream of a movie and everyone should watch it.

I want to walk all the way home in my worn down and beautifully faded black converse. Some parts are so faded that you can see the gray peaking out and surging towards the surface. They hold no support and work better for those who operate with flat footed feet and not myself who posses feet with slight arches and prone to ankle sprains every now and again when I decide to get up and run. However that is beside the point…I want to walk all the way home in my worn down and beautifully faded black converse.

Not because I am homesick (and I am definitely homesick) but because getting here was such a long journey and I’m not talking about the 7-8 hour drive from Raleigh, NC to Lexington, KY, I’m talking about the journey I’ve gone through kindergarten, elementary school, middle school, and high school. My journey through childhood to adolescents and then stumbling onto the scary realization that I have no choice but to fully enter adulthood and live on my own in a different state.

I’ve come so far, and looking back sometimes I feel as though I have forgotten the little girl I once was. So yes I want to walk back all the way home in my worn down and beautifully faded black converse. Meaning, as I walk those 493.8 miles back to Raleigh, I want to walk backwards through my memories in high school to those in middle and elementary school and so on. I want to remember the little girl I use to be and show her how far she has come. I want to relive everything good and bad because sometimes its hard to remember what obstacles, and people, and circumstances I had to go through that has shaped me into the woman I am today.

I want to walk 493.8 miles in my own shoes to re-evaluate my own perceptive throughout my life. It’s easy to forgot who you use to be when you constantly try and make yourself into the person you want to be. I think it’s necessary and even healthy to reflect on how you go to where you are currently, it’s humbling.

By my definition a walkabout is a time spent between you and the outside world. It’s an intimate beautiful time spent walking cities or forests or any place we find ourselves frequenting or visiting. During this time phones are pocketed, eyes and ears attune themselves to the atmosphere around us, and we disconnect from the digital world. I spend my walkabouts, as an aspiring journalist/poet with my mustard yellow journal in hand. This journal contains all my budding poems and my continuous battle with my place in the world. During a walkabout I find places to simply sit, write, and detail the things happening around me.

This idea of going on walkabouts came from my father. He use to tell me about them and even take me on some when we found ourselves on vacation. But instead of a mustard yellow journal in his hand, a perfectly pristine Nikon perched itself in his palm. A prized possession. I idealized that camera. It told stories, it captured artistic and emotional areas of my fathers experiences and point of view in the world, that to me as a then seven or eight year old, completely glossed over. Perspective to me at that age wasn’t a concept I had any understanding of.

And as I sit here now, in a coffee shop located in my new home, Lexington Kentucky, I am thrust back into my childhood. I’ve walked The University of Kentucky’s campus multiple times this week and haven’t even covered the entire campus itself. But on these walks, watching the rain beat heavily on the pavement and getting soaked before a 9am class or watching the sun peak behind thick trees and painting everything in a sea of golden light. I think back on the joy walkabouts can bring. The tiny things we begin to see or notice when we aren’t glued to our phones. The beautiful intimate connection with nature and our perception of nature that forms when we tap into our conscious and reflect on it through more artistic means. 

Whether that be poetry or photography, I encourage everyone to go on a walkabout. Leave the phone off and pocketed. Tune into your surroundings and reflect on your existence in this world. How aware are you of your surroundings?

One thing you should know about me is that my love of writing and written words stems from poetry. I love both reading, writing, and occasionally reciting poems.

Aside from my love of poetry I love photography, thrifting, and making the best memories I possibly can. This blog is a space for me to share my perspective and experiences with others.